HOLLYWOOD, CA – Actress Jennifer Lawrence has asked every male on the planet Earth to remove her name from their individual bucket lists.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – America’s beloved actress, Jennifer Lawrence, has brought peace to the entire Middle East.

“Jennifer Lawrence came here and looked me right in the eye and said that there should be peace so I made peace,” said Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. “As much as I want to be true to my people and my country, above all I want to make Jennifer Lawrence happy. She is just a really great girl. She deserves to be happy.”

NEW YORK, NY – Shortly after a list of MC Hammer’s 10 best songs that start with the letter ‘K’ was posted on a blog, all entertainment websites announced they would cease operations and shut down.